Update

8/16/2009 11:27:16 AM

 

Honey, I’ve not been sucked into a blackhole. Well, at least not yet. And I am hoping it’ll never happen. Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me.

So here is a quick update as promised.

Life’s been incredibly hectic. I don’t know who is directing the show behind the curtains, but I feel like a mindless creature being thrown here and there without a will of my own. I don’t even want to get into the details because one, I haven’t had the chance to really sit myself down and sort out the humungous ball of mess, and two, I don’t want to touch the source of pain again. You are right, I am hurting, perhaps more than I’ve allowed myself to feel. But there is nothing I can do to mend the situation. What’s happened happened. I have no right and power to turn back the clock. I can only take one day at a time and see if my willpower is strong enough to carry me through it. Life is never meant to be a smooth sailing, and I am not naïve enough to throw a tantrum every time it goes astray.

That being said, there are of course things that happened that are worth celebrating. I’ve met some very nice people, great mentors whom I know I will cherish for the rest of my life. It wasn’t a wow-ing beginning for me at the office, but I am glad things are moving along, and people are beginning to treat me more as a friend than a mere new colleague. I think it's partly my own fault. I still feel drained physically and emotionally, so I wasn't in the best condition to take on this new challenge. I felt so fatigued on my first day that I wasn't even nervous, and couldn't care less about introducing myself and showing the best of me to the managers. I still miss the people in my old group. I've been paying them more visits than necessary, and I see them as the highlights of my time there.

And I still can’t get over SL. Haha…I know, it’s been more than half a year already and I am still head-over-heels about it. Just the other night, I dreamed about it, the content of which is the best sequel one can possibly make. You think I should submit a proposal? I think if it bugs me enough, I might end up writing a sequel myself. I am desperate to get those two together, and I am a firm believer that things aren’t over between them yet. So stay tuned!

You know, I think my liking for the drama has way surpassed the plot, the characters and the production itself. As you know, this was the drama that helped me pull through some very difficult times, so my emotional attachment to it is perhaps very different from yours and that of others. I miss the good ol' days. I miss the times when they weren't acting like complete strangers. It just makes me that much more curious to excavate the reason behind the sudden change of course. I was reading some of the wacky comments we made at the forum the other day, and boy, weren’t we just….too creative for our own good? And should you ask...where the heck did I find the time to write up all those unbelievably ingenious bullsh*t? Well...my Copyright Law professor was completely incomprehensible, so I decided, instead of squandering my time trying to understand French, I might as well just do something constructive with my time. And the incredible part was, I managed to ace the class without actually being there mentally. Hail SL, shall we?

Some last random tidbits. Things are starting to get crazy at the office, so I can foresee myself getting stuck there from 8 to 8 starting next week. Got my first paycheck, and want to slaughter Uncle Sam. That made me realize just how impoverished I am. If you do the calculations, after all the deductions, I probably earn less than a high school grad who waiters in a decent NYC restaurant. And don't forget, I work like a dog. Darn it. Planning to see MamaMia the Broadway show some time within the next month. Wondering if I can get employee discounts on NYC Ballet’s Nutcrackers too. Still haven’t gone to pick up my diploma yet. Yeah, that’s how much I care about it. And ah, I bought やまとなでしこ. Hope it will live up to its fame. I need another heartwrenching melodrama to help me wash SL out of my system, and move on with my life. Contemplating whether I should get another copy of All About Eve. The one I have is from mainland, so I am very iffy about its quality.

Okie dokie, this is it for now. Call me if you cannot concur with any of the things I said, and I will make sure to beat the daylights out of you.

And...gosh, it's just so much easier to write and type in English than Chinese. Why on earth did I agree to this arduous task?!